epheria

Epheria (noun)

eh-FEER-ee-ah           

A fleeting moment within grief in which pain and presence coexist, not as gratitude or relief, but as a quiet recognition that to feel such loss is to be deeply, vividly alive.

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Grief is defined as “the deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement.”1 While this framing of grief captures the raw pain caused by change and loss, it leaves little room for other emotional states to coexist in its presence.

In English, the closest word that approximates a nuanced experience of grief is bittersweet, which describes a “pleasure accompanied by suffering or regret.”2 But bittersweet only narrowly applies to situations where pain or pleasure eventually reveals silver linings that transform the entire experience in hindsight.

For example, let’s take Jessica, who loses her job of 20 years. Immediately after her termination she is confronted with intense feelings of grief, mourning the way of life she had grown accustomed to. During her time off she rediscovers painting, a passion she had long left behind in her twenties. In time, she falls in love with it again, reconnecting with a part of herself she had long buried away. When asked about how she feels now, she describes her experience as bittersweet. The loss of her job hurt, but it led to something else meaningful in its absence.

But what language do we use when time hasn’t revealed a silver lining, or when the tragedy is so profound that no silver lining could ever justify the loss? Imagine Jessica’s friend, Brian, who loses his first-born child in a tragic car accident. Even if, ten years later, Brian channels his pain into loving his family more deeply or achieving all his career goals, the passing of his child remains unjustifiable. This experience cannot be labelled bittersweet because its ramifications, no matter how meaningful, can never outweigh what was lost.

This doesn’t mean, however, that even within the depths of his grief, other feelings can’t arise momentarily. Epheria describes two of these feelings coexisting. First, as our brains are wired to cognitively offload when we feel safe in predictable environments, much of life can pass by in deeply unconscious mental states. But grief, which manifests through a racing heartbeat, a crushing pain in the chest and shallow, suffocating breaths, shatters any illusion of safety. The struggle to reconcile what once was with what now is makes the future feel so uncertain. In this sense, this disruption is a precursor to a painful immediacy that is hard to replicate, where each moment serves as a painstaking reminder of what once was and what will never be again.

Second, returning to Brian, his grief also serves as proof that he cared and loved at a capacity that surpassed the intellectual, into the physiological. His pain is a consequence of letting someone through his emotional walls so profoundly that their absence would shake his entire

being. If he had instead remained distant, or avoided such vulnerability, the loss would not hurt the same way. Grief then serves as a powerful reminder that to love is to lose, and in that loss that love is experienced again and again and again, infinitely presenting itself to the individual through pain.

Therefore, the two contrasting experiences – the feelings of immediacy and the reminder that we once loved – arise together, creating the building blocks of the existential awareness that presents itself in the midst of grief, eventually spilling over into the moment of epheria.

The word epheria is derived from the Greek root ephemera, which combines epi, meaning upon, and hemera, meaning a day, constituting something that lasts only a day.3 The ending borrows from euphoria, which means a “feeling of well-being or elation.”4 Together then, epheria captures a brief but powerful state of awareness that emerges from deep grief.

In a culture that highly values productivity, comfort, and meaning-making through clearly defined answers, the concept of epheria offers space for an unproductive, uncomfortable, and raw momentary presence. It allows for the possibility that not every loss needs to teach us something, while still honoring the clarity and aliveness that sometimes briefly emerges even within our most painful experiences.

Examples

1. She didn’t speak as her old home was demolished; instead, she watched in silence, caught in a moment of epheria that left her motionless.

2. They sat together on the hospital bench, not saying a word, both feeling the weight of epheria settle between them.

3. Years later, whenever he heard that song, he would feel epheric, as if it knew exactly where to find him.

   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Citations

1. "Grief." Merriam-Webster, Merriam-Webster, www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/grief.

2. "Bittersweet." Merriam-Webster, Merriam-Webster, www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/bittersweet.

3. Harper, Douglas. "Etymology of Ephemera." Online Etymology Dictionary, www.etymonline.com/word/ephemera.

4. "Euphoria." Merriam-Webster, Merriam-Webster, www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/euphoria.