Reflections on Shaving My Head

Introduction

In an effort to understand the role that beauty plays in constructing one’s perception I decided to shave my head for the last year. Through this article I share my findings and discuss its implications.

Background

Over the past two decades there has been a 57% increase in depression diagnoses in children aged 6–17.₁ As poor mental health affects how one learns, behaves, and forges relationships with others, I find identifying the causes of this rise to be of extreme importance for education policy makers. Students cannot develop optimally when their brains are not functioning as such. As the cultural norms that are inherited by children are heavily influenced by the ones that older generations perpetuate, I begin my exploration by analyzing one strong predictor of poor mental health among American adults: body dissatisfaction.₂

Across the time frame aforementioned, cosmetic procedures, both surgical and nonsurgical, have risen by slightly over 530% for Americans.₃ The most common surgical procedures were liposuctions and breast augmentations. While the decline in procedural costs account for some of this growth, research has attributed increased media exposure and a decrease in self-esteem to this change.₄ Though these patients may expect an increase in their body image through the procedure, further research has elucidated they help increase confidence relating to the altered body part but has shown mixed results on its impact on an individual’s overall mental health.₅

Therefore, I argue that by normalizing nonessential cosmetic procedures we may impart the message upon the upcoming generations that by manufacturing their ideal body they can improve the quality of their lives, when this is not the case. By holding near flawless depictions of people as the norm, the average imperfection slowly becomes viewed as a crippling deformity.

It is important to also note that while the methods to alter one’s external appearance has changed, the societal value placed on beauty is not one that is new. Some of the first recorded origins of makeup dates 6000 years ago as ancient Egyptians used white powders to lighten skin tone and certain berries to darken their lips. Across cultures and time, the importance of beauty has not changed, but what constitutes as beautiful has. While this transformation is natural, certain adaptive traits evolved through sexual selection, such as colorful feathers on organisms that attract both potential mates and predators, has been shown to be harmful to an individual’s survival.₆ Therefore, I posit that it is critical for a society to identify when this occurs, thus avoiding glamorizing traits that are sexually desirable but stifle human flourishing.

Motivation

I believe that the immense attention paid in American society to one’s external appearance detracts from the focus towards pursuing conscientious self-work. In developing my own philosophy on beauty, I wanted to start by identifying the most common physical issue that affected all men. A colleague of mine, Dr. Kumar Nadhan, who works as a dermatologist, imparted upon me that hair loss often leads to strong psychological distress, in many cases causing depression, anxiety, and social phobia.₇

I wanted to understand why a natural process, that is bound to happen to us all, makes us feel discontent with ourselves? Is our hair something that we are so attached to that when lost we are deprived of joy, or is the loss of hair a reminder of our mortality? Perhaps it is that we fear that we will no longer be found attractive by our peers and that a lack of social validation makes us feel worthless. I question if our social connections are so weakly formed that by simply losing our hair our place in the social network falters.

These indications point to severe issues in the fabric that creates our social norms regarding hair and beauty.

I want to note that while this is my experience, I do not wish to take away from those whose experience of hair loss is vastly different. It is quite reasonable that since I knew my hair would grow back, the experience of losing my hair was more controlled and self-selected. This is different from the real experience of hair-loss, where one is often left without an option.

My Experience

November 18, 2021 in Washington D.C.

I. Free Weekly Therapy

I made it a weekly routine to shave my head every other Monday morning. I would visualize all the stress I had felt since the previous shave being stored in my hair, making each shave a cathartic experience. There was something about watching and following the growth and death of my hair, signaling the end of one era transitioning into the next. Watching my hair fall to the ground and running my fingers through my scalp reminded me that I had lived another 14 days.

During my shave I would take that time to recap the previous weeks; what was it that I had experienced, learned and felt. I would then visualize the weeks coming ahead of me; what did I want to experience, learn, and feel. While this form of sitting back and reflecting can be done through tea, meditation, and yoga, the experience of ‘cleaning’ my head and letting something go was unique.

II. Feeling Consistent

The experience of getting a haircut and feeling like a completely different person is one that is too familiar for many. The ability for hair to alter our appearance drastically is an interesting human phenomenon. I used to find the constant upkeep and styling of my hair to be quite an inconvenience. I would often leave the house looking one way and would return another.

With the shaved head on the other hand, I knew that I looked the same every single day. There was no difference between 6:00 A.M Goutham, and 10:00 P.M Goutham. This assurance that my appearance would stay the same throughout the day regardless of the activity, allowed me to confidently interact with others knowing that my appearance was what it was. There was no good angle nor good lighting. This was it, this was my face. Either you like it or you don’t. It was no longer my problem.

III. Perception

After shaving my head I found that people were often surprised to find out that I was only 23 (24 a few months in). Across socio-economic and cultural backgrounds, it was an interesting psychological phenomenon noticing how people would speak to me differently after learning my real age. I found that in environments where value is highly correlated to age, such as academia, this change was more pronounced. People also began to regularly mistake my race and would comment that I looked ambiguous. From Hispanic, to Black, to Middle Eastern, to Indian it was fascinating to notice how the styling of your hair strongly assists people in their characterization of others.

IV. Attraction

Throughout my life I have found that the areas in which I place my attention and awareness towards often manifests itself. After shaving my head, I found that the type of people I began to attract were not overly focused on appearance and valued people based on their character. By turning my focus inwards, I found that the people that entered my life during this period had similar intentions. When relations are created through an alignment of values and principles, the feeling of connectedness seems to be that much stronger, for one’s appearance is constantly changing and is feeble, while one’s actions and beliefs are far more consistent. I find relationships that are built around the latter are stronger.

Philosophy

Through shaving my head, thus altering my appearance and transcending societal expectations, I found many subtle principles underlying the construction of beauty in American society. As beauty is a transient feature of our lives it can be exhausting trying to bitterly hold on to a youthful and effortless complexion our whole lives.

The way in which a person experiences the social world around them depends heavily on how they present themselves. This however can lead to uncertainty due to this transience. Situations from an accident that leaves a scar across your face to chemotherapy that makes you lose your hair, are common examples of superficial changes that do not alter the true nature of oneself. I am the same Goutham with or without hair. This however is not the full picture, for it can be difficult to define who one is without taking how their environment responds to them into consideration. Therefore, while I have not changed intrinsically by shaving my head, I have changed in relation to those around me for the way in which the world responds to me have altered.

Conclusion

Through this experience I learned that it is important to view my initial judgments of one’s character created through appearances skeptically. By lowering the volume of these initial judgements, I began to experience more meaningful interactions with people I earlier would have had my guard up around. I began to prioritize what people believed in, how they treat others, what their passions were, and how they viewed the world more.

I am by no means claiming that self-care of one’s body and appearance is a harmful pursuit, but that the methodologies and intentions fueling such desires must be looked at carefully.

A well-maintained appearance can be quite helpful in making strangers feel comfortable and safe around you in initial interactions. To this extent it is important to keep an outwards appearance that is at the very least decently well-kept. However, this upkeep seems to be excessive in American society, especially when it is followed by a lack of internal attention. I find that true beauty begins on the inside but eventually manifests itself externally.

I would highly recommend this experience to anyone who feels overly attached to their conception of beauty. Through the discomfort that rises from people no longer finding you stereotypically attractive, a space for intense self-work arises. Your smile becomes brighter, and your eyes shine lighter.

Artwork by Jiri Peter

Citations

1. “Anxiety and Depression in Children: Get the Facts.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 13 Apr. 2022, https://www.cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/features/anxiety-depression-children.html.

2. Himelein MJ, Thatcher SS. Depression and Body Image among Women with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Journal of Health Psychology. 2006;11(4):613–625. doi:10.1177/1359105306065021

3. “Surgical Procedures 18-Year Comparison.” American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, 13 Aug. 2019, https://www.surgery.org/media/statistics.

4. Furnham A, Levitas J. Factors that motivate people to undergo cosmetic surgery. Can J Plast Surg. 2012 Winter;20(4):e47–50. PMID: 24294026; PMCID: PMC3513261.

5. Dittmann, Melissa. “Plastic Surgery: Beauty or Beast?” Monitor on Psychology, American Psychological Association, Sept. 2005, https://www.apa.org/monitor/sep05/surgery.

6. “Sexual Selection — Understanding Evolution.” Understanding Evolution — Your One-Stop Source for Information on Evolution, 11 Feb. 2022, https://evolution.berkeley.edu/evolution-101/mechanisms-the-processes-of-evolution/sexual-selection/#:~:text=Sexual%20selection%20is%20even%20powerful,members%20of%20the%20opposite%20sex.

7. Psychological effects of hair loss. Psychological effects of hair loss | DermNet NZ. (n.d.). Retrieved July 14, 2022, from https://dermnetnz.org/topics/psychological-effects-of-hair-loss